


Coming Home

by thumbtwiddler



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:35:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thumbtwiddler/pseuds/thumbtwiddler
Summary: Bernie made a promise before she left: If someone, or something, hurt Serena she would be on the first plane home...





	1. Chapter 1

_‘Dear Mum. Sorry for being such crap at keeping in touch. Things are going well for my part. Well, fairly well, there’s always room for improvement lol, but I thought you should know that Ms Campbell hasn’t been exactly herself lately. Or to be more specific, she has been acting completely bonkers ever since you left. Rumours tell she drinks heavily in her time off, works way more than her original schedule suggests and hardly eats. Last night I found her crying uncontrollably in her office late at night, several hours after her workday was over. It’s not the first time someone has observed her like that. You told me to keep an eye on her so that’s why I write to tell you this. Perhaps you could send her an email or something? Just to, idk, show her you exist? She clearly misses you. – Love, Cam’_

Bernie closes her eyes and rests her head against the window trying to find the most comfortable position the limited space of a plane seat provides. Her mind is swirling. The email from her son is repeating over and over in her mind. Serena is miserable and in pain. Serena fails to cope in her daily life. Bernie has seen it before. After Elinor. The way she slowly and almost systematically destroyed herself before she eventually broke down. How she pushed everyone away from her, including Bernie. But Bernie never gave up being by her side. They did not give up on each other. But now?  
Her heart aches thinking about how they parted this last time. As friends. In agreement it was for the best. So many correct and polite words between them. They had hugged and wished each other all the best for the future. A wise and grown-up decision they had both concluded, it was the right thing to split up. It was all so calm and almost harmoniously. And yet… She had to admit it never felt right. Not then, not now.

Back in Nairobi Bernie had lost herself completely in work and for short periods of time her mind was not occupied by the thought of Serena. She even felt slightly happy sometimes. When her team had completed a successful complicated surgery which previously, before the trauma unit was established, would have been impossible. The gratitude and love she received from patients and colleagues always strengthened the belief that she had made the right decision by continue to work there. She felt needed, appreciated. She knew she made an important difference to many people. Her adventurous soul loved the African continent. So different from home in so many aspects.  
But when she was alone, especially at night, the continuous aching pain, the horrible empty, lonely feeling haunted her and made her cry herself to sleep almost every night. She still dreamt about Serena. Sometimes all she remembered when she woke up was small snippets of the content: Serena smiling her bright, beautiful smile looking at her with shiny eyes full of love. Sometimes it was a feeling. A warm, tender sensation spreading throughout her body making her heart sing out in joy. At other times it was a lust so strong she woke up with an aching need in her entire system and a desperate desire to be with Serena again, make love to her and watch her come apart under her touch. It was so intense it almost frightened her. Her mind often wandered back to the first time she met Serena. To the feeling of a genuine, pure and rare connection with another person in a way she had never experienced before. She might be thousands of miles away but Serena had always been impossibly close in her heart ever since that day. And Bernie had made a promise before she left: If someone, or something, ever hurt Serena she would be on the first plane home. So she never wrote her an email. An email would not have been sufficient and Bernie knew she was not especially good with words. She went straight to the execute chief of the hospital and handed in the more or less formal application that she needed a 2 weeks leave. Although not explaining the reason her boss had made one look at her and granted her permission at once, knowing that the most outstanding surgeon of the hospital would never ask for this if it was not of great importance.

Somewhere across the Atlantic Ocean Bernie starts having doubts. Had she been overreacting rushing to return like this? Would it make things better or worse coming back only for a short period of time and then leave? Again… Would it stir things up even more for Serena? For them both. She could have left it where it was. Moved on with her life. Let Serena move on with hers. But Bernie could not bear the thought of Serena being in pain.

As the plane goes in for landing at Heathrow a mixture of emotions hits Bernie simultaneously and makes her almost panic. The familiarity of the surroundings activates memories she has kept at a firm distance for some time now. Both good and bad. She can feel the tension build and build inside her. The need to run away… Perhaps she could look for an immediate return ticket at the airport? Just go back to Nairobi again and pretend everything is fine? The exit signs light up almost painfully to her eyes as she leaves the airport building and heads for the train that will take her closer to her former workplace, her former home, her former partner...

After having settled into her hotel room Bernie decides to have a quick drink in the bar before bedtime. The alcohol makes her pleasantly dizzy and tired, and her stiff, aching limbs are finally able to relax. The thought of seeing Serena tomorrow suddenly fills her heart with an indescribable feeling of warmth and a new conviction has taken over her doubts. She somehow knows it is the right thing. Serena is in pain and Bernie has kept her promise to come back.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sorry to bother Ms Campbell, but would you mind take a look at this, please?” Cameron’s face has a worried look. He is standing in the doorway changing the weight from one foot to the other as if he is debating with himself whether to enter the office or not. He decides on not and Serena can feel the irritation build up as she looks at his puppy-like appearance. 

“What is it dr. Dunn?” Serena’s voice is hard, clipped. She sounds as if all she wants is to get rid of him as fast as possible. The puffiness around her eyes reveals another night of poor sleep. Or maybe too much alcohol. Probably both. Cameron clears his throat and continues:

“I have the blood results on Mr Wright, they are somewhat confusing regarding his condition. There must be something else going on as well. I have a feeling it might be quite serious.” 

Serena looks straight into Cameron’s eyes for a brief moment but has to looks away. His eyes burn too much on her skin. She has been trying to avoid him as best as she can. Not the easiest task after his placement on AAU a few weeks ago. It is like she sees the imprint of his mother in his big brown eyes every time she looks into them. There is an immediate ache in her heart. 

“A feeling huh?!” Serena spits out with poorly hidden contempt in her voice.

She cannot refuse assisting him. She cannot stop her work as a surgeon saving lives, improving people’s lives, making an important difference. Although most of the time she has a strong need to give up on everything. She feels so bone-tired, so defeated and depressed. Nothing can fill the empty void in her heart. No amount of alcohol can erase the pain of losing Elinor. And no soul search deep enough will justify the way she has messed up the one great love relationship of her life. She has not been able to stop thinking about Bernie since she left. The constant longing mixed with a heavy burden of guilt. They parted as friends, no hard feelings between them. But was that really true? Weren’t there in fact so many difficult emotions, so many unresolved matters between them it became impossible to stay together? The self-destructive manners of which Serena had pushed the one great love of her life away have been haunting her day and night. Watching Bernie walk out the door for the last time had been somewhat surreal at the time. Her brain had not been able to realise it was really over. Once it did it was too late. By then Bernie was thousands of miles away. With no promise to return except if Serena was hurt in any way… Every day since she had wanted to write an email, text, call and scream down the phone begging Bernie to come back. Tell her it was impossible to go on without her. Tell her she misses her so much she feels sick, drained and completely devastated. But she cannot do that. She needs Bernie to be free, to move on and have the possibility to find happiness again. The happiness Serena could not give her because all Serena had managed to do for a rather long time before the breakup was to hurt her… 

Cameron is still standing in the office doorway waiting for her to respond. She gives him a faint smile as she stands up from the desk. 

“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got.” 

\-------------------------------------------- 

The hospital looks exactly the same as it did those many months ago. How long has it been now? It is late August so that means eight months. Bernie looks around in the main entrance. The familiar surroundings. The familiar, busy atmosphere. The same, familiar lift takes her up to AAU. She walks through the corridors feeling nervous and tense. A few new faces in scrubs look at her briefly as they pass. Probably F1s, she does not bother to look at their id. Her heart pounders hard in her chest as she approaches AAU. And then it feels like it stops completely when she sees two people coming out of Serena’s office. Two of the people she cares for most in the entire world. They stop for a moment, facing each other, obviously discussing an important matter, before they start walking in the opposite direction from where Bernie stands frozen to the ground. As she takes in the sight of Serena together with her son, a million thoughts fly through her mind. Serena looks tired, skinnier, unhappy. Her posture shows lack of strength and makes her look older. Oh Serena. Her heart cries. Then a familiar voice from behind interrupts further thoughts.

“Bernie! What a wonderful surprise!” 

Ric Griffin grins broadly as he walks up to her with open arms pulling her in for a warm, welcoming hug. In the corner of her eyes she notices Serena and Cameron have stopped and turned around. 

“Mum! You came!” Cameron rushes through the corridor straight into her arms, no concern for what it might look like for a professional doctor to throw himself in the arms of his mother. 

“It’s so good to see you Cam, I’ve missed you so much.” Bernie holds him tight. Serena has not moved from her spot. She has a strange look on her face. A combination of total surprise, terror and something else. Hope? Bernie starts to walk slowly towards her. Eight months is a long time. A lot can change. People can change. Feelings can change. But taking in the sight of Serena as she approaches Bernie knows deep in her heart her feelings for this woman has not changed. Probably never will. 

“Hi Serena”, she whispers softly. 

Serena looks like she is about to say something. She opens her mouth but no words come out and suddenly she turns around and practically runs in the opposite direction. 

Bernie is watching her back until the door slams behind her. Perhaps it was a stupid idea turning up at the hospital like this? Totally out of the blue. Perhaps she should have called first? Or gone to her home instead. But she is here now and she cannot leave without having talked to Serena. She has a certain idea where Serena might have gone. So she heads for the stairs leading up to the roof. 

\------------------------- 

As she is about to assess the patient in question alongside Cameron, Serena’s attention is being interrupted by Ric’s voice in the corridor. She could swear he says ‘Bernie’ and for a split second she thinks she has started to hallucinate. But when Cameron reacts by turning quickly around she does the same and there she is: Bernie! Serena cannot move. She is only able to observe as Cameron runs towards his mum to great her. Then Bernie starts to move in her direction. The messy, blonde curls swaying gently around her beautiful face, a tiny and slightly insecure smile forming on her lips and her brown beautiful eyes have a light in them that burns like fire on Serena’s entire being. The soft voice whispers her name like in many of her dreams at night. Suddenly it is all too much to handle. Serena’s heart clenches uncomfortably tight in her chest making it impossible to breathe freely and she feels dizzy and nauseous. She needs to get away. She needs air. As she opens the door to the large, open and airy space of the hospital roof and is able to take the first deep, healing breaths, she is instantly reminded of the last time she was up here in despair. Feeling utterly broken Bernie came to save her. Breaking through the door and breaking through to her innermost fragile emotions, Bernie helped her to start the process of healing. When she hears the sound of the metal door opening behind her, quietly this time, it comes as no surprise. She has been found again. To be saved again. 

“Serena?” 

She hears the tremble in Bernie’s voice. Tears start running down Serena’s cheeks and the unbearable feeling of fear that had clenched her heart so violently just minutes ago is replaced with warmth and deep gratefulness. She turns around, almost expecting it all to be a dream and Bernie not to be there for real. But Bernie is standing right in front of her. 

“Bernie. You came back.”


	3. Chapter 3

They stand facing each other in silence for a moment. Eyes locked on the other as if they both search for impossible answers to impossible questions. Then Bernie takes a step forward, wraps her arms around Serena, holding her tight.

“Yes” she whispers in Serena’s hair. “I’m here.”

The sensation of their bodies close like this, Bernie’s strong arms around her and the familiar smell that is Bernie send waves of shiver down Serena’s spine. She does not deserve this. She is afraid to ask but she needs to know.

“Why did you come?” 

Bernie looks at her the way she has done so many times before. With a certain sadness in her eyes. And with warmth. So much warmth. 

“Let’s go somewhere and talk after your shift is over?” Bernie suggests. 

Serena suddenly remembers she has abandoned Cameron and the difficult case he sought her advice for. She nods. Not quite sure how to behave. She wants to hold on to Bernie, sink into her arms again. Beg her to never leave again. Bernie has come back but she is not entirely sure why. 

“Would you like to come to my place tonight?” She asks, her voice slightly trembling. With excitement, anxiety, doubt and hope. She never thought she was given the chance to ask this anymore. 

“I would love to.” Bernie replies softly. The breeze catches her hair, makes the golden curls swirl around her face. A smile forming on her lips and the light in her eyes warms Serena like nothing else has done for the last eight months. 

\---------------------- 

Bernie opens the door to the hospital roof. The woman in front of her is slightly bent forward, with her back to the door. Nothing resembles the last time she found Serena hiding in this place; drunk in a deck chair, heartbroken and on the verge of a breakdown. But with the spirit of wanting to make a change. The person now in front of her has been defeated for a long time. Been depressed for a long time. Drifted into life’s obligations with the purpose of merely existing. She has lost so much in life. 

“Serena?” Bernie walks closer. Aches to take her in her arms, hold her close and tell her she wishes to do everything in her power to take some of the pain away.

Serena turns around. Her eyes full of tears and her voice barely audible when she whispers:

“Bernie. You came back.”

They agree on meeting up later, at Serena’s place. Bernie has mixed emotions. Seeing Serena like this, so broken, is even harder than she expected when she got on the plane. With the intention to come back so she could fix things? It suddenly dawns on her that she has no idea how. She has been willing to give up her job in Nairobi once before. To be home and live with Serena permanently. But that was not what Serena wanted…

\--------------------------- 

When the doorbell rings Serena’s heart skips a beat even though she has been waiting for this sound for the last couple of hours. She runs to the door as if Bernie will disappear if she does not open fast enough. 

“Hi!” Bernie’s bright smile goes straight to her very core. 

Unsure whether to hug or not Bernie leans awkwardly in and briefly touches Serena’s cheek. It is almost electric and both women withdraw like they are burned. It feels so different from earlier where the hospital surroundings made them feel more at ease. This feels so intimate. 

“I’ve brought this.” Bernie holds up a bottle of Shiraz. 

“Thank you. I’ve made us a little something to eat?” Serena replies, almost like a question as if not sure whether it is appropriate or not. Should she have just offered coffee? This is not a date, is it? But Bernie has brought wine. Her shoulders relax a little. 

The smell from the kitchen is heavenly, the surroundings of Serena’s lovely house so familiar and dear to her. Bernie swallows and follows Serena into the kitchen. Their conversation while eating is light and superficial. Their emotions are not. The air is thick with mixed feelings, unanswered questions and so much longing. After finishing the last bite Bernie clears her throat and fumbles with the napkin in her hands before she speaks.

“I came back because I promised… That if you were ever hurt or in pain in any way I would be back. And you are. Hurting I mean. I… I don’t know how to make it better but I still care about you. A lot…” She did not plan for these exact words. In fact she had not planned what to say at all. 

In Serena’s mind there had been so many possible reasons for Bernie’s return; Cameron or Charlotte being the main ones. And a tiny hope hidden deep inside that it was for her. 

“How did you know?” Is all she manages in reply.

“Cameron sent me an email. Wanted me to write to you. But… I needed to see you...” Bernie’s hazel brown eyes are looking straight into her heart. 

Stabs of guilt flush through Serena. All the anger she has taken out on Cameron over the past months. Mainly just because of who he is. Bernie’s son. The constant reminder… All the hurt she caused Bernie before Bernie left. Her awful behaviour towards the woman she loves more than anyone. Her one true love. She cannot hold it in anymore and breaks into tears, her body starting to shake.

“Bernie, I’m so, so sorry! For everything.” 

“Shh it’s okay.” Bernie reaches over at the table and puts her hands over Serena’s. 

“No! It’s… not okay! I have… behaved horribly. I cheated on you Bernie… I can never forgive myself for that…” Serena’s words come in fragments, between the sobs. 

Bernie looks down at the table for a moment. At their joint hands. 

“I can’t pretend that didn’t hurt. Well I did pretend I was okay with it, before, but…” She moves uncomfortably in her seat. Conversations like these are unpleasant for Bernie. Serena knows that. She also knows Bernie is making an effort because it is important to talk about it. Her heart aches even more. Bernie has tried to understand, be forgiving, had even suggested she could have been in that situation herself the last time they spoke, although the reality probably was she could never have cheated on Serena. But she never blamed Serena. Bernie blamed herself for being away. Again and again. For not being by her side. 

Serena has stopped crying and listens breathlessly to Bernie telling her this. 

“Serena, believe me, if I could make you happy I would come back. For good.” Bernie’s voice fades away at the last words. As if she does not believe that is what Serena wants. 

“Bernie I… I can’t make you sacrifice your work for me. Your dream. It wouldn’t be right. I want you to do what you do best, what you love. Be where you belong. I want you to be happy and free and…” 

“Life is so short!” Bernie cuts her off. “It’s so important to live it to the fullest. To follow your heart… And working abroad or being in the military were once very important to me. But not anymore…” She gets up from her chair and walks over to Serena, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I belong with you Serena.” She says softly. Her hand drops a little. “That is… if you still want me…”

Serena’s brain struggles to comprehend what she is hearing. Is it really true that Bernie has given her, them, a second chance after all that has happened? But her heart knows instantly. She gets up and raises her hands to cup Bernie’s face, her fingers caressing those amazing features. 

“If I still want you?!” Her breath hitches in her throat. She looks into Bernie eyes. Those beautiful eyes that seem to be filled with worry, insecurity but most of all with love. 

“Oh Bernie, darling, there has never been a time I have not wanted you in my life! From the first moment I saw you. There’s only you Bernie. Always has been. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. I…”

Bernie cuts her off once more. This time by launching herself at her lips, kissing her the way she has longed for during all these months. Like they both have longed for. It is like breathing life into Serena. Her body, her senses, her whole being coming alive again. She has been dead inside for so long, lost and depressed. 

“Bernie, I love you. So much! I’ve never stopped loving you. And I will wait for you, for as long as it takes.” Serena’s voice is trembling. “I will never let you walk out of my life again.”

“I love you too, Serena Wendy Campbell.” Bernie replies with the broadest smile on her lips. “You don’t have to wait long. I will hand in my notice tomorrow.” Her hands caress Serena’s back before she pulls her close again.

“I’ve come home Serena, for good.”


End file.
